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A Man’s Guide to Dating-By Daniel Tarzan-English Version

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I first met Daniel Tiger Tarzan while surfing through the

WordPress Blogs of the Day-the English Version on

March 25, 2008. Now, you must know the VAST numbers of

‘English-Speaking-Blogging Individuals’ to understand that

you are not JUST dining with Daniel Tiger Tarzan, if you had

the chance. You are dining with one person who is in the

WordPress Top One Hundred Blogs in an ocean of

perhaps ‘Eight Hundred Garbanzo Million English-Speaking-

Blogging Individuals’. I found him floating along in a life raft

while I was sailing in the Atlantic Ocean. I threw him a life

preserver and bid him to……

“Daniel Tiger Tarzan! What on God’s Green Earth are you

doing in the WordPress Top One Hundred Blogs of the Day-

the English Version?!” (By the way, congratulations!)

“Get over here and exchange that

‘hamburger and fries’ for some ‘lefse and fiskeboller’ and get

on back to your family RIGHT NOW!” “Ja, vel, O.K.”, he

replied. We, the Royal Norwegian Bloggers and One

Norwegian Wanna-Bee were really missing Daniel Tiger

Tarzan and were elated to have him back home again. The

polka parties and flying torsk contests had become quite

mundane without our Daniel Tiger Tarzan. We had almost

put his bunad away in the stabbur and then, we discovered

that he was O.K. *g* He did make several attempts to cross

the Atlantic Ocean again in his little Viking ship, but we now

know HOW to keep Daniel Tiger Tarzan secured on his throne

at the Academy of the Royal Norwegian Bloggers. We think.

During my last conversation with Daniel Tiger Tarzan, he

claims that he DIDN’T EVEN KNOW he was there. *g*

There is one witness and that is, who would have guessed,

Kle Meg Naken-Hva Hun Sa. If I am correct, I believe that

Kle Meg Naken was sailing a large catamaran back and forth

across the Atlantic Ocean making frequent trips to the

‘WordPress Top Blogs of the Day-English Version’.

Congratulations, Kle Meg Naken and Daniel Tarzan-

Boblerommet! I am simply pleased AND amazed.

Congratulations!

Sandy S. Zoo

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Here is the Norwegian to English Translation of:

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“The Art of Dating” By Daniel Tiger Tarzan

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This is to be passed on to my preschool son, Peter.

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['Tittelen skal ikke lure deg'.]

The title should not deceive you.

I am not saying that there is only one way to get a girl, but,

perhaps, here are some little discoveries disclosing what you

are doing wrong. (Peter….) This is not an imitation of

‘Pornopung’ (New York Times Best Seller?) or any other

books. This is what I have learned as a Psychology Student a

bit at a time and from my own experience. I have written

several blog entries about this, but those have been lost when

I changed blogs.

First Step

The problem with most guys is that they don’t dare to

be themselves. We don’t dare to share our feelings. We don’t

dare to say what we think. Let’s toss out this ['fordommen'].

The next time that you see a girl that ‘wakes you up’

catches your eye, say to yourself, “I can catch that girl”.

I don’t want to hear any of this, ‘She is too beautiful for me

kind of thinking’. You need to go back to the beginning again.

*

How do you dress? Do you have a outfit that is

['særegent'] for you? (becoming or unbecoming?) Do you

always go out in a shirt rather than a sweater? Have you

shaved? Do you always have holey jeans? ['Går du alltid i

stykker nederste del av buksene dine?'] Are the hems of

your jeans in shreads? Use it! (Not close enough, but I’ll

go with it.) Flaunt it!

*

Be yourself and act as though you are a special

individual. Tell yourself in the mirror each day that you are

special. Value your own body. Appreciate your body. If you

have ['kviser' and 'arr'], or if you have a ’sixpack’-be proud of

it! Personally, I have some extra benefits ['paa vekten'], but

I can still easily attract a girl downtown. (Way off?) Make it

fun; get her to laugh. Personally, I just say that I am a

['sexylubben'], and I like steak. (What is a sexy lubben?!)

*

Therefore, the conversation is over if some one mentions ‘the

extra pounds’. Oh, no, I’m not going to have negative

thoughts. “I am not attractive.”, you say. “Bullshit!”, I say. I

can tell you many stories about people that ‘aren’t attractive’

and have still gotten a babe as a ’sweetheart’. It is what you

make of your personal experience. ['egenskap'] Regardless, if

you talk or if you don’t.

Regardless if you start up a conversation or not.

*

Baby Steps

Let us take a look at this perspective before we start.

Say, for example, you are single, desperate, and are going

out on the town with ‘the boys’. What are you going to do?

Some would say right off the bat, “Don’t be embarrassed over

your self!” “Don’t embarrass your self.” “Don’t overdress.”

“Don’t go overboard.” “Chill out!”

Dress in what you are comfortable in. Definitely take a

shower or two with a mild, masculine cologne behind your

ears for good luck.

(Thanks for the tip, Daniel Tiger Tarzan!)

And, if you use hair gel; only use a spoonful in the palm of

your hand. Start in the back (about the middle of your scalp)

and work towards the ‘luggen’. (Hva er det for noe’?!)

You are not to ‘grease’ your hair, you will ’style it’. Many have

misunderstood this concept here.

(Note to author: How am I doing here? Sandy S. Zoo)

*

Very good! Look at yourself in the mirror and say that

you are going to get lucky tonight. Give your self a

compliment, and ’straighten’ your self up. ['Skryt deg selv

opp'.]

*

But, first a little tip: You need to know that girls will notice if

you are desperate.

Therefore, the road is short between being personally

satisfied to downright desperate. The latter functions nearly

quite well in warmer regions where alcohol has a

strong influence on the ‘chasing’. I am not in favor of this type

of ‘chasing’. You should be relaxed and think about your self,

not what others think of you.

*

You are now ready for the local ‘bryggeri sine goder’.

You are now ready to hit the local ‘disco clubs’.

You are now ready for the good life.

*

Chasing

Chasing women has it’s own unwritten rules. These are

things that you certainly do need to learn on your own.

They can actually teach you/groom you to be better.

I would like to explain to you from a psychologist’s view how

to make you a better ‘chaser’. Many think that a ‘wingman’,

one that is proud of their work in the ['slagmarken'], is a good

idea. Personally, I think it is pathetic. ['slagmarken']

(We call it the meat market.)

*

Before I begin, I would like to say that if a girl starts a

conversation with you, just continue the same steps, and

[just] take away the first step in my guide to, ah, chasing girls.

Step 1 - Contact

Begin by finding a girl that you think is nice/pretty.

Study her a little bit. Is she with another guy that is her

’sweetheart’, is she engaged or married or some other

['skummelheter'] predicament, or is she starting over again?

If we don’t try ['på sånne'], we’ll do fine. It is also important

to notice what she is drinking. Is she drinking wine; then is

it red or white. Is she drinking beer; then what color and

what kind. Is she having a ‘drink’; then try to notice what she

is drinking. In this way, are you prepared for the

‘potential opportunity to buy her a drink’. After you have

sat for a while, you can begin.

*

Get over there and introduce your self.

Start with your name.

Then, if you get the cold shoulder, you can try to be a little

bit nonchalant ['innpåsliten'] but, as a rule, it is a good ’sign’

if it doesn’t go as planned.

(Don’t worry if you don’t connect with this girl; it is probably

a good thing to know now rather than later. Next chapter… )

Sandy says, “This is a work in progress.”

If she, on the other hand, is accepting/inviting and she says

so, you can ask her what she is doing her tonight. Just a little

casual talk. Now, the psychology starts. Now, you need to

['skille i hodet ditt']. Now, you need to take a closer look.

Conversation (very important) and her body language

(of greatest importance) are important. If she is looking at

you when you are talking casually, that is a good sign.

*

Eagerly

look for something that is called, ['trekanten']. Three corners.

It is something so simple that if she looks at you in the

following sequence ‘rekkefolge’: right eye, left eye, and mouth

( about 2-3 seconds on each part) she is interested.

*

If she leans toward you, she is interested. If she is turned

away from you, she is not so very interested. But hold on,

['Står dere'], if her feet are pointing towards you is it a good

sign. If her legs are crossed; it is not a good sign.

This is how you need to analyze the first few minutes that you

are talking to each other.

*

Second Step -Twenty Questions

No, you should not ask twenty questions. But, the questions

aimed at her shall be ‘hegle’. ['hegle'] Girls love attention, and

are quite egocentric. (self-centered)

Therefore, the questions should mainly deal with her.

Important points to consider in your mind

should be: job/studies, where she lives, age, interests, what

she likes. But, ['pass å fella'] be careful here, don’t ask

about her family quite yet. It is important to make an

impression first. Ask general questions. Try to be a little

bit mysterious. (Keep some things to yourself.) If she asks

something about you, quickly turn the conversation back to

her. This is how to maintain the excitement between you.

This is how to maintain the connection between you.

['Slik opprettholder du en viss spenning mellom dere.']

And for God’s sake, look at her the whole time. Lean

forward. Be interested. Let it go on for a few more

minutes.

*

Third Step -The Drink and the Other Details

Now, you are going to use the observations in part one,

and ask if you can buy her a drink. Buy her the drink that

you noticed she was drinking before [you sat down].

Now you can ask her about herself, but now you are going

to look for a few more signs. Does she wet/lick her lips

often? Is she playing with her hair? (Is she playing with

your hair by now?!) ['Tar hun på deg?'] Is she holding on to

you? (leaning in to you….) Try to hold/touch her hand,

especially to show her something that you are saying.

For example, “My, you have long fingers”, placing your hand

next to hers….”

*

Now you are well on your way. Try to

remember a story where something funny has

happened, and explain with her hands. Contact with the

hands/arms is only positive. Eagerly tell about the things

that are typical of you, that were mentioned in the

introduction. That is, if she hasn’t already discovered it.

Step Four - Her Girlfriends - Your Worst Enemies

Her girlfriends are your best friends-your worst enemies.

Girlfriends of the ‘potential mate’ must not be forgotten.

They are essential parts of your strategy. Talk to them and

create a connection with them. When the girls go to the

‘powder room’ to touch up their lipstick, you can be sure

that they are talking about you. ['Kan du slenge en tier paa

bordet om at...'] If you make a good impression on the

girlfriends, you are making a good impression on her.

*

I have a little story about ['anngående'] such girlfriends.

Earlier in my studies, I was not comfortable with ‘girls’

at all. But, one person that I met, had several catches

['kikkerten'] in a row. And, he made a connection almost

instantly. I tried to study him and his ‘chasing’, but I could

never find out ‘what he did right’. After a few days, he was

‘with’ the girl he had pursued, and after he ‘used’ her, she was

dumped. He was a genuine player in other words. Silly me,

I wanted to be like that. After a few cold beers one night,

I asked him about his success with ‘catching a girl’. “You

know”, he said to me, “…all girls have an ugly/mean

girlfriend.” I had to laugh because that is pretty accurate in

most cases.

“It is her that you need to impress…” I ['stod']

like a question mark. What in the world does he mean with

that? ['Skal du ikke gaa rett paa byttet?']

Wouldn’t you just be shreaded to pieces?

“This is the way it goes; the ugly/mean girlfriends

tell the nice girlfriends about you, and that

you are ['en knakende kar'].” (You are a good catch.)

This is how you will easily get the chance to meet the

beautiful/nice girls. “Don’t get too friendly with the

ugly/mean girlfriends”, Danial Tiger Tarzan is saying.

Be careful not to attach yourself too much to the ugly/mean

girls, because it complicates things in relationship to the

beautiful/nice girls.”

*

Remember that this strategy is laid out on many laps.

Remember that this strategy is laid out in many steps,

and pay attention ['ryktet går']. Here it goes:

(The direct translation was a bit funny, I realize.)

Step Five-A Little Closer

[ 'sammendrag']

The last step is actually up to you. If you use these

simple rules, you will succeed. If you use these simple

rules, you will be happy.

*

Here’s a little summary:

You should:

-Be proud of your ['saere egenskaper'] and background

-['oppglodd']

-Say positive things to yourself, but don’t go so far as

to be too cocky.

-Be interested in the one you are talking to.

-Show interest the whole time.

*

Signs that you see that are positive:

-”Three corners” : Right eye, left eye, the mouth.

-Legs are pointing towards you.

-She is facing you.

-She grabs a hold of you.

-She smiles at you.

-She plays with her hair.

-She wets/licks her lips constantly.

(The end or just the beginning…..)

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Daniel Tarzan -the Bubble Room ©2008-All Rights Reserved

Translation by: Sandy S. Zoo -

Comments by: Sandy S. Zoo -

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www.cottoncandycloud.wordpress.com

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Perhaps, it would be wise to say that if there are any

‘gross misinterpretations’ that it is because of slight cultural

differences. Sandy S. Zoo

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Please greet your family from me. Takk for nå! I had a blast.

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Your little girl and my little guy have some serious

studying to do. Yikes! We do have sixteen years to

prepare for the ‘Teenage Years’, don’t we? Sandy S. Zoo

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