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A Changing Perspective of Norway

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Spending time overseas was an eye opener for me.

I was just a farm girl. Pretty and simple. I went to

church every Sunday. Life was boring, but comfortable.

When I lived in Norway, I was a student. I lived as

a Norwegian for six months. And, to be honest, I learned

that I am NOT a Norwegian. I am a Norwegian-American.

We can never be too sure. Records get mixed up, burned up,

twisted around and turned inside-out. I guess, you just

got to believe what you know to be true until proven

otherwise. And, I was proven wrong. No, you are not a

Norwegian, you are an American, and by the way, there are

a few Vikings and Eastern European folks in your lineage.

GASP!

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Now, I feel proud to know that I am an American with ALL

Norwegian Great-grandparents, and that I have some salt

and pepper and a few spices mixed in. I am Norwegian with

a hint of German. I am proud of that.

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In Norway, my viewpoint was turned around. I was now

looking at North America at a distance. I was now getting

a good whiff of what the Europeans have been saying all along.

Americans are SPECIAL. I am not going to get in to the

dialogue or the adjectives to describe how special.

Just remember when you are in Norway or ANY country

overseas, don’t wear the traditional touristy clothes. Go to

your Norwegian Thrift Store and buy some grubby clothes.

Toss your Gloria Vanderbilts and Tommy Hilfilgers in the

dressing room. Be European.

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After a few lively encounters, I decided that I would NOT

speak English American. I would learn the Norwegian

language so well that NO ONE would know that I am an

American. No one will know that Jimmy and Evelyn Carter

are my godparents (jk), and Hillary Clinton was my penpal

when I was a pre-teen. (jk)

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Each country disperses educational material intentionally

and accidentally. When I was in Norway, I was the girl that

walked off of the stage and in to a country where people have

“learned” about me and my fellow Americans in the movies.

Little did we know that Foreigners judge us by what they

see in the movies. GASP! Please stop singing the theme

from Grease, oh, please!

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While you are in Norway, you had better get a PhD in

Political Science and International Relations or keep your

mouth shut. We THINK we know what is going on in the

rest of the world, but we really don’t. From now on, I

watch BBC news for the truth. ABC, NBC, CBS might be

entertaining, but for the facts, watch the BBC.

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I learned early on that I could speak and understand

Norwegian better that British English. Don’t even pretend

to know how to talk the language of Great Britain. Just let it

be. Use sign language instead. It will impress your friends

and neighbors in Norway. Burn your British English

Dictionary. You won’t need it any more.

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Before you arrive in Norway, know the difference between

a sink and a toilet. Now just as in American, we say [as

teens], “I am going to the CAN” or

“I am going to go wash my face in the bathroom”.

Never wash your face in the CAN in Norway.

People will GASP and will give you the silent

treatment for days if you can’t break that nasty habit.

Learn the slang whether you want to or NOT. It will be good

for you.

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O.K. So, you have been in Norway for four months and you

still take Tylenol on a daily basis for those nagging headaches.

You didn’t think that TRANSLATING every word, every

phrase, every paragraph in your mind was going to be

difficult, did you? You thought that you could get by with,

“Hvordan går det?” for the entire six months, did you?

I found that when I could discuss politics and religion, when I

could follow radio and TV easily, and when I began to dream

in Norwegian, that I was becoming somewhat fluent.

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Remember all of the times that you laughed at Korean or

Vietnamese citizens when they couldn’t PRONUNCIATE

the words. Well, get this, in Norway, you might think that you

are an adult, but you now sound like a 1st Grader. Just

because they didn’t tell you that doesn’t mean they weren’t

thinking it.

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Remember that Norwegians have access to the latest

fashions three years before Americans get WITH IT.

You will look like a NERD if you try to be stylish. Go to

London, England for the weekend and get some real clothes.

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Hide your camera in your jacket or under your shirt.

Cameras scream, “It’s a tourist!” You do NOT want to

be a tourist. You want to be a person who is just slightly

out of place. Do not go singing “Take Me Out to the Ballpark”

or “Singing in the Rain” whenever you are out and about.

They probably will take you there but, you’re not going

to like it.

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Just as America is a MELTING POT, so is Norway. You will

see all the colors of the rainbow in Norway AND they speak

fluent Norwegian (maybe). So, the most important point to

remember is NOT to talk about religion and politics on a

fast moving train or 20,000 feet up in the air. Hold your

thoughts until the train stops or until the plane lands.

I would have to say, from experience, that keeping your

mouth SHUT is the best advice. Learn Norwegian. Wear

Norwegian [clothes]. Breathe in the culture. But, don’t

feel so comfortable that you think that you will be SAFE

talking about the presidential election or anything that

happened EAST of the Mississippi River EVER. Bring your

parachute if you can’t keep your mouth shut. Thanks.

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In America, we know our brothers and sisters, our aunts and

uncles, our grandparents, our cousins on both sides, their

cousins on both sides, and their cousin’s cousins. We really do.

Norwegians have TOLD ME that beyond siblings and grand-

parents, you are NOT related. Don’t get too chummy with

your third and fourth cousins. Get to know them, but don’t

get too chummy. (I stand ready to be corrected.)

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Americans go for walks. Norwegian jog up mountain sides.

It took years of conditioning to do so. Just go for a walk.

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Skin and undergarments are acceptable in certain settings

in Norway. It’s not like it’s one big nudist camp. It’s not

a big deal either. Think of National Geographic- they didn’t

wear shirts or bras either. Stop whining about it.

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Get to know the politics, the religion, the values, the beliefs,

the sports, and the music of Norway. It is truly a blessing to

have gotten to know Norway from the inside out.

I wished that my grandparents had never left.

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Be sure to stand on the spitting stone next to the Voss

Kjirkje. Remember that women who were pregnant and

unmarried, or men who were experiencing a mid-life crisis

were sentenced to being CHAINED to the rock on a Sunday

morning. Perhaps, they were showcased on other days of the

week as well. Get a picture of YOU standing on the spitting

stone while you’re there. It is a reminder of the

PROGRESS we have made, I think.

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Do NOT ask for lutefisk and lefse at the dinner table.

The lutefisk and lefse that you dreamed about was discarded

on the way over on the ship Maria. Lutefisk and lefse are

old world foods. Don’t bring it up. The Norwegians might

just as well ask you if you have Captain Crunch for breakfast,

hamburgers and fries for lunch, and Kentucky Fried Chicken

for supper. Get over the stereotypes quickly.

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Know your vowels and consonants. Know that at any given

moment, any conversation, that you could be swearing up

a storm and not even know it. I remember a picnic that I

was at and I was saying something simple like, “Have a good

day!” in Norwegian, and my friend kept bursting out with

laughter each time I said it. She never DID tell me what I

said. She gave me a hint, though.

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Good Church v. Bad Church

The Norwegians have a State Church or Government

Church and then they have all of the pentecostal,

squeal til you fall flat on your back kind of churches.

Each of these churches have their own educational and

entertainment value. The State Church is more like a

meeting; the Pentecostal churches are like a revival every

Sunday. You get to pick and choose where to go.

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Lessons I learned at a Private Liberal Arts College:

The Difference Between Height and Distance

How far is it to get from Oslo to Bergen?

Hvor langt er det fra Olso til Bergen?

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How tall are you?

Hvor høgt er du?

. _._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

Never, never, never confuse height and distance.

The best rule of thumb is that if the distance is less than

a mile, don’t even bring it up. If you use the

wrong adjective at the dinner table, your Norwegian friends

are going to spit out their lefse AND their lutefisk.

Be careful now.

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Are you living in a house or an apartment?

Bor du i huset eller på leilighet?

. _._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

Be sure to emphasize WHERE you live.

Do not give the impression that you are living

ON TOP of any building. It is a sure way to get a

free plane ticket back to the States. Know when to

say “i” and when to say “på”. Think hard. You can do it.

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Know the difference between “like” and “love”.

To like [å like] and to love [å elske] have dramatically

different meanings in Norway. You can tell the Norwegians

that you love [å elske] them, but they are going to think

that you are pretty sappy or that you are faking it.

They will THINK it, but they won’t SAY it. Just say,

“Jeg liker deg.” I like you. Don’t pucker up or tackle them.

Just don’t.

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What is a “klem”?

A “klem” is where you come running at each other full

bore, and you turn your cheek slightly to the right, your

partner turning their cheek slightly to the left, and your

cheeks collide. Say something like, “Koselig å se deg” or

“Takk for sist.” Grab their arms and hold them. Let go

quickly. There is no exchange of saliva EVER. Study the

sequence of events carefully.

This is just a Norwegian way of giving a little HUG.

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When you go to a dance in Norway, study the people around

you. Try to imitate the Norwegian people.

Do not be impulsive. Do not seem too interested.

You will just scare them. Norwegians are a sensitive people.

Do NOT expect a marriage proposal. This is just a social

event- not to be taken seriously.

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Learn the animal sounds. Norwegian animals make different

sounds than American animals. Here is a simple guide:

A Pig- Oink, oink N Pig- Nøff, nøff

A Dog- Woof, woof N Dog- Vov, vov

A Cow- Moo, moo N Cow- Mu, mu

A Cat- Meow, meow N Cat- Mjau, mjau

A Horse-Neigh, neigh N Horse- Hrmmm, hrmmm

A Lamb- Baa, baa N Lamb- Bæ, bæ

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Takk for nå!

Sandy S. Zoo